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Oh, God, What Do I Do Now?
How do you live life after finding God...Uh, oh. I'm in trouble now. I found God. Now what do I do with Him?It's not like I can just ask Him to go sit in a corner while I go on about my life. God is hard to ignore. Yes, He seems kindly enough, and a lot more patient than I am when bumping up against the obstacles in life. Just knowing He's there is making me squirm. I always imagined it would just be "cool" to know Him. You understand, like hanging out together. Maybe even downing a couple of cold ones while we shot the bull. In some regards, I think it can still be like that. But He's like, so, well, unusual that people are starting to gaze at me like I'm weird... You've had the experience, you walk into a room and know all eyes are watching your every move? Now imagine there attention is on you, because you came in with someone who looked so good, that you feel like an ugly duckling in comparison. And you know they're thinking, "Why in the world is he/she hanging out with that geek?"
That's kind of how I feel now. God glows in the dark. That light is so bright it's blinding. At least, it seems to have that impact on everyone else I meet. They act like they don't see me at all any more. Or if they do, they treat me like I'm a leper. I can almost hear the whispers behind the stares: "There's the guy that goes with God. Oooh, yuck. Let's get away from him." Not God, of course, but me. Sometimes I get the feeling they're jealous... If I would only just disappear, they'd all be circling Him and wanting an autograph, or some other souvenir of Him they could take home and place on a shelf. But since He's with me, they pretend instead that they're not looking at either of us. Funny, others didn't act that way before I found Him. I had many friends, and thought people liked me. I guess, at least as much as you like your local pit bull... But now that I'm hanging out with God, it's like I've got fleas or something. Please don't think I'm imagining things. I've heard what they're saying: "I'm blaspheming by making God one of the guys." "I should have left Him up in His heavenly tower instead of dragging Him down here in the dirt with me." Or that "I can't know Him because I don't hang out in the same places as they go to on Saturday or Sunday." Or "I don't eat the right foods or mumble the right prayers..." Well, maybe they're right, and I'm the crazy one. Perhaps, it's all in my head, and I'm talking to some giant, invisible rabbit named Harvey. All I know is that they sure seem uncomfortable. And it rubs off on me. I don't want to make God feel unwanted. I worked hard to find Him. And besides, He's been a good friend, always there when I needed Him, and quick to dry my tears when things weren't going good. In fact, just recently I've started noticing the many gifts He's casually dropped into my life. Even when I was so stuck up I thought I was doing it all by myself. And not once did He ever ask me for anything in return. At least, that's what I thought foir awhile. But the more I get to know Him, the more I realized there is something God wants. Something I've been afraid to do for the longest time. One day, as we were talking over a cup of coffee, He finally blurted it out. "If you love Me, then love yourself," He said in that soft whisper He uses in those moments of our greatest connection. "You are everything I wanted you to be when I sent you here." I could only look at Him as He continued. "There is nothing more I ask of you." I tried to defend myself. "But what about all those things I have to do? I thought you wanted me to love others!" "If you truly love yourself, you won't have to try. It will happen naturally," was His reply. "You've been parading me around town, thinking that somehow showed you're now a better person, secretly hoping others would think more of you. Life's not about how they see you, but how you see yourself." "Don't hold Me up as something to show off to your friends. Allow me to stoke the fire of love that already smolders inside you. When it's fanned to a flame, they'll naturally come closer to warm themselves. And in so doing, it will strike a spark that will spread 'round the world."
My conclusion is, maybe all those other people are right. I am different, and my flame just isn't bright enough yet for them to see. But it will be. In the meantime, I know where to find God. In me, where He's always been. Copyright 2004 by John Dennison. John is a voice for those who do not hear their inner
voice. Author of
Whispers in the Silence: Living by the Light of Your Soul
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